


Carry On

by Likea_boss9987



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:11:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likea_boss9987/pseuds/Likea_boss9987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy sometimes wonders what he has to live for and days like this give him the strength to move forth. Nicercy. Valentine's Day – Human AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takara_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/gifts).



> I accidentally deleted it .-. Oops. So I'm reposting it.
> 
> Warning: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
> 
> Author's Note: This is not your usual Valentine's Day fic, honestly. It deals with some dark themes. Written for Takara Phoenix's Valentine's Day Contest. This will be a two-shot, with this being the set-up chapter and the next one going into the Valentine's Day aspect and conclusion.

_Part One_

Percy tugged his knees to his chest, tears streaming down his face. He wished he didn't feel this way. Why did he feel this way? No matter how hard he tried, he could never shake off the cloud of depression that hung around him.

 _Why am I still alive?_ Percy thought. What was the point of life, honestly? Percy could no longer tell.

 _No point, no point, no point._ The words kept ringing in his mind, causing the tears to fall faster.

It was weird, really. How could he even feel this way? He had a great life—a loving mother and stepfather, loyal friends and a considerate boyfriend/fiancé. What was even weirder was that in the past, where he spent his childhood physically and verbally abused by his previous stepfather, while struggling in school with his ADHD and dyslexia, he had been cheerful. Rarely seen without a wide smile on his face. And, to a certain extent, he had been happy with life, had relished every single day he lived, no matter how hard it was. A jovial, albeit self-depreciating, boy.

But now—by god, what had happened to him? His life was without a doubt better now. He had a wonderful job teaching students physical education and as mentioned before, many people who cared about him. But still he felt empty inside and no matter how much he and his loved ones tried, it never seemed to go away.

He had gone for counselling, took the prescribed medicine and his friends and family were so supportive yet this disease, this horrible  _plague_ , persisted to follow him around. Why wouldn't it just go away? Why couldn't it leave him  _alone?_

What was  _wrong_ with him?

Sometimes, he just wanted to end it all. Put an end to his pointless existence. Stop burdening his family and friends with his horrid problem, let Nico find someone else who deserved him. After all, every so often, he forgot how to  _love_  them.

Yes, he felt so ashamed of himself. How could he? How could he look at his loved ones and not muster up the emotion he considered the most important of all?

 _Worthless, worthless._ Not only that, this illness was slowly interfering with his ability to work. He had been warned that he might have to be sent for long unpaid leave ( _fired,_  was the word that came to Percy's mind) if this persisted onwards. He was already considered unfit for work but since the Principal was a close friend of his who understood that teaching the children was one of the things keeping him going, she was letting him work for one more week.

Even waking up was a struggle.

He just wanted everything to stop.

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!_

Percy pulled his knees tighter against his chest as he continued to drown in his hopelessness.

* * *

"Percy!" Nico called, feeling a bit excited. This Valentine's Day, he had planned out perfectly, in absolutely  _precise_  detail, how it would go. He was going to make Percy feel like the most special person on the planet—not that he didn't try everyday. However, now more than ever did he need this day to make Percy smile.

Nico's smile dropped at the thought. For the past few years, Percy has been struggling with depression. On and off, up and down, the sea of depression just pushing Percy along, the waves of hopelessness uncaring of the effect it had on his life. Now, even with the anti-depressant pills that used to work before, Percy rarely smiled.

Nico hated the fact that Percy was so sad, that his lover had to suffer through it. And he missed Percy's beautiful smile, which was so alluring that it could illuminate an entire room. He wanted Percy to be happy again.

He knew, however, that it was not going to happen immediately, nor quickly. This one day, no matter how perfectly it went, would not just get rid of the depression. It was going to be a slow progression and Nico wanted to be by Percy's side throughout the entire thing and help him heal.

After all, Percy never gave up on him when his whole world was shattered the day his sister died, and they hadn't even been romantically involved then. Nico wanted to do the same for Percy, make him realise that he  _was_ important and was loved dearly by so many people. There was a point to life, even if it was not to be seen at the moment.

"Percy?" Nico called once again, getting a bit worried that he received no reply.

"Percy!" Nico cried out, as he entered their shared bedroom. The sight he saw broke his heart. Percy was curled up in a ball on their bed, sobbing into his pyjama pants, soaking the fabric.

Nico couldn't help it. He rushed to Percy's side and embraced him into a comforting hug. Nico couldn't hold back his own tears and he started crying along with Percy. He hated this illness, he  _hated_ it. Why couldn't it leave Percy alone, let him live happily?

_Why?_

"Make it stop, make it stop,  _make it stop,"_ Nico heard Percy mutter again and again and  _again._ Nico's grip around Percy tightened and he started rocking him slowly, whispering soothing words into his ear.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here for you. Always. I love you. Your mother loves you, Paul loves you, Annabeth loves you—"

And that was how it was for awhile, Nico holding Percy, trying to calm him down, as he let Percy cry his pain out.

How Nico hoped that his plans for later would bring Percy's spirits up, even if it was for a bit and just for a short while.


	2. Part Two

_Part Two_

After a while, the sobbing died down and Nico couldn't help but pull Percy closer to him. It was difficult to see Percy like this, so vulnerable and pained, But he knew it was probably worse for Percy and Nico could never allow him to go through that alone.

Looking at Percy with worried eyes, Nico wondered if he should just throw away his plans for the day and just let Percy rest after such a tiring breakdown.

But he wanted to bring Percy out. Perhaps after this, Percy could use a little pick-me-up. And Nico truly missed Percy's smile…

 _But no,_ Nico thought, shaking his head. He felt a little disgusted by himself, honestly. This was all for Percy and he shouldn't let his own selfish interests affect his decision. He would ask Percy whether he wanted to go. If Percy didn't want to go, then he didn't want to go. Nico could—no _,_ he _would_ —accept it.

"Percy?" Nico whispered.

A soft whine answered him. Percy then turned to face him, face wet and eyes slightly questioning. Nico swallowed at the sight, suddenly feeling nervous. What if Percy _really_ didn't want to go out for a Valentine's date?

"W-Would you like to go out today—for Valentine's Day, that is? I've made some plans for us—but we don't need to go if you don't want to!" Nico said, quickly adding in the last part so Percy wouldn't feel obligated to answer in the positive.

Percy looked away, chewing on his bottom lip. As soon as Nico saw this, he dropped all his hopes of going out like a hot stone. _It's okay,_ Nico told himself, feeling a bit bitter. _We can stay at home…as long as Percy is comfortable._

"Yes."

Nico's head snapped up immediately.

"Really?" He asked, a tinge of disbelief seeping into his voice.

Percy nodded shyly. "We could use something cheerful, I guess."

His statement sounded more like a question, as if he doubted whether anything could make him happy ever again.

Nico really hoped he would be able to change his mind.

* * *

Percy looked around, feeling a bit confused. "The cinema?" He asked aloud. "What are we doing here?"

"To watch a movie, of course," Nico replied, a bright smile on his face.

 _Why though?_ Percy thought. _Watching movies have not felt nice for such a long time…_

"I'm trying to help you remember," Nico said, eyes taking on a nostalgic shine to them. "Just last year you were so excited for this movie. Superheroes always got you so happy."

Percy's heart ached. He could barely remember any of that. It happened a year ago—that wasn't such a long time. Yet to Percy, those memories were dim and looking at them, it felt like it happened to another person entirely. He hasn't felt true happiness for so long…

And then the guilt settled in again. He should though, he should! All the people who loved him…

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Nico looked at him worriedly and Percy wondered how bad he looked.

"Are you okay? Do you want to go home?"

Percy shook his head vigorously.

"No…no…" Percy said. "I want to remember too."

Hand in hand, they walked into the movie theatre, Percy's fingers crossed, hoping it would give him even the tiniest bit of happiness.

* * *

"That was quite…nice," Percy mentioned, as they exited the cinema.

"That's great!" Nico exclaimed, though he felt embarrassed afterwards as some people stared at him weirdly, shocked by his sudden outburst. "So you liked the movie?"

Percy hesitated for a while before saying, "I don't really think so, no. That's not it. The movie was nice…but I think the experience actually made me feel…warm. Nice…"

The image of him wrapping Percy in his arms, enjoying popcorn together (a mixture of both sweet and salty to suit both of their tastes) while watching a nice film flashed in Nico's mind.

Maybe, just maybe, Percy was slowly remembering joy.

"We're going somewhere else?" Percy asked as Nico hurriedly dragged them to the car.

"Yes," Nico said. "For dinner…reservation…except—"

Nico didn't continue, stopping right in his tracks. "No—sorry. I want it to be a surprise."

"A surprise?"

"Yup."

Well, Percy wasn't expecting that. Surprises? Nico wasn't really that kind of guy. He usually liked to list things out for Percy so they were both on the same page.

But maybe today was just a special occasion…

"Okay then. Let's go."

When they finally reached their destination, Nico said to the lady at the front desk, "Reservation for six, under the name of Nico di Angelo?"

The lady nodded and brought them in. At this point, Percy was looking around the restaurant with utter awe. The architecture was so very nice and grand—this place was most definitely expensive. Knowing Nico, probably even five stars…but wait—

"Table for six?" Percy said, once Nico's words registered in his mind. "Why six…? Oh."

Once they reached their table, Percy got his answer.

"Mom? Paul? Grover? Annabeth? You invited all of them here?" Percy asked Nico.

Nico nodded.

Percy hugged Nico suddenly, and started tearing up at the same time. "Thank you. Thank you. But…why?"

"Because Valentine's Day is not just about romantic love," Nico said simply, and did not continue.

Percy continued to cry.

Although…Percy could almost swear, at that very moment, that they were tears of…content.

* * *

After the dinner (with a lot of crying from Percy and his mother as they saw each other for the first time in months—Percy's mother remained in New York while Percy and Nico had moved to another state due to Nico's job), they returned home. Without changing clothes or anything, they flopped down onto their bed. Unhygienic, but at that point in time they couldn't care less.

Instinctively, Nico's arms wrapped around Percy and pulled him close.

"So…how was today? Do you feel…better? From earlier?" Nico whispered into Percy's ear.

"Today was…nice." Percy said, lips twitching a bit.

A small smile, which came as fast as lightning and went away just as soon, graced Percy's face.Nico caught it though. And he couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end, I guess ^-^/
> 
> Not a lot of details but it's meant to be that way. It needed to feel a little more...detached. Though I probably didn't succeed. Oops.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
